Today's topic was Pain and Pleasure. Tony Robbins tells me that these are two controlling forces of our lives. He says that research shows, that the need to avoid pain is higher than seeking pleasure. Pretty interesting stuff. He used an example of seeing someone and you want to go up to them but the fear of being rejected causes pain and outweighs the possible pleasure of actually getting the person's digits. To change that he suggests change what you link pleasure and pain to. Focus on how not doing something will be even more painful. So, link not taking action to being more painful and this will help you take action. Another quick example he used was linking a relationship to pain. You fell in love with someone, it didn't work out and so one may link this to pain. You get in a relationship, things start to go well and then the person starts to sabotage the relationship because the brain is saying: hold up, wait, things are going good this means it’s about to go bad. That was a quick example. A personal example is my linkage to loss of freedom with being in a relationship.
Today's assignment was to list four actions you need to take in your life that you've been putting off. List the pain that you associate with it that has caused you to not take action. List all the pleasures you've received by not doing it. Write down what it will cost you if you don't follow through. Last but not least, what would you gain by not taking these actions.
Step 1: List 4 new actions you've been avoiding.
1. Losing 47 lbs. 2. Spending more time with my mother. 3. Looking for another job to finance my current needs and to finance starting my own mini business. 4. Being celibate.
Step 2: Pain you've associated with following through.
1. Losing 47lbs- Working out like a beast! You guys know I lost 82lbs on my own. When I was 220 I decided 200 was a nice number. Losing that last 20lbs took a lot out of me. I worked out 2x a day for like 3 hours. I wasn't working at the time so I would do crunches midday and at night every 2 days. This was on top of the crazy workout schedule I gave myself. I didn't have to OD but a boat ride was coming up and I figure being 200lbs would be awesome for then. (The pic up top is me at 200 lbs) Regardless, I associate working out to lose 47lbs to get back to 200lbs (yeah yeah now you know my weight) a big hassle. Worse, I wasn't working at the time so I had nothing but time. Now I have work and school so I fear not being able to do it in a timely fashion.
2. Spending more time with my mumsie: *sigh* where do I begin! Y’all know I love the woman. I can spend 9 straight hours on the phone with her (this have been done) but I have a 2hr limit with being around her. 2.5hrs tops. I associate having to deal with her attitude, listening to her stress and not being able to help as stressful. Not to mention when I go over I always end up doing work. EVERY TIME I go over there there's something to be done. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind helping because some things she just isn’t savvy to do and my older sister rarely helps out. However, Its never a hey mumsie what's up moment where we can just chillax.
3. Looking for another job- I associate the pain of applying applying and applying to not getting a response. I went 6 months of applying for jobs and not receiving not one phone call. I had folders stack high of confirmations of applications I sent out and not one phone call. I remember my bff BJD coming over and seeing it and was like damn girl you driving yourself crazy. Come let's get out the house! I also fear not finding my dream job.
4. Being celibate- Sweet heaven! Poppa Jezzas! Where do I begin with this fear? Okay okay I'll make this one short. *SIGH* *in a solemn voice* I fear not being able to attract a guy without sex. Deep huh? (Note to self, talk to doc about this. Didn't notice that I had that fear till this assignment). I also fear by not having sex I will be giving up the oh SO GREAT pleasure I get from it. I fear losing my freakiness (which I know isn't possible but still). I fear losing out on all the fun. But those last ones are secondary. The main reason is the first one I mentioned.
Step 3: What is the pleasure you took from not following through in the past?
1. I got to workout at a normal pace. Even though I know I'll have to step up my intensity. I tell myself: Oh at least you working out girl! I get to not cut back as much as I should on the food I know I shouldn't be eating so much of.
2. Pleasure of not hearing my mom and not doing anything when I visit.
3. The pleasure of not being rejected.
4. The pleasure of sex.
Step 4: What will it cost you if you don't follow through.
1. It will cost me the pleasure of the feeling I had at 200 lbs.
2. Not spending time with my mom is costing me missing out on a deeper relationship with her.
3. By not looking for a job it’s costing me financial stress. It's payday today and I take no pleasure in it. It's rent week which means I'll have like $50 bucks to last me till the 15th after I pay rent and do other necessary stuff. Then on the 15th is time to pay bills.
4. By not being celibate it's costing me a lot of hurt. What GOOD, real mental and spiritual GOOD has sex done for me lately? After I fulfill the pleasure I still feel empty. It has cost me to forget the true sacredness of sex.
What are the benefits you'll gain by taking action in each of these areas? How will it enhance your life? How will it create greater joy, happiness, success, freedom or pride?
1. When I lose 47lbs. Man oh MAN oh MAN! I'll feel flipping AWESOME! *squeals* I would gain that pleasure I felt back then. My thighs will be slim again. I'll look sexy, more importantly, I'll FEEL sexy. I'll be able to look straight down and see Ms. Lady. I'll have the pleasure of decreasing my boob size. AHHHHH MAN!! *cheetah smile* Now THAT will be frigging awesome!!!! I was a 44DDD then went down to a 36DD. I loved my small boobs! (yes 36DD is small to me). Accomplishing this again will give me tremendous happiness.
2. Our relationship was bad for years and things got so much better and I really have to thank my recent ex-boyfriend for that. So by doing this I'll have an even better and deeper relationship with my mom.
3. By getting a job that pays more will rid me of my financial stress. I know I'll always have bills but I don't want to always have CREDIT card bills. I'll be able to start my mini business and that would give me a great sense of accomplishment.
4. By being celibate it will put me back in touch with the innocence I've lost (you guys know my past). I need that back. And yes I can get that back. By being celibate I'll remember the sacredness of sex. I won't just do it with anyone. Now don't go thinking I'm swearing off sex. Chileeee, no way am I ready for that. However, I need to remember the sacredness of it. I need to remember that each time I have sex with someone I'm taking a piece of them with me and they me. I feel by being celibate I'll be aligning myself more. I'll respect ME more. This will then cause me to be more stingy and protective of who I let inside Ms. Lady.
That's it for now. Until tomorrow. I have a 10 page paper to start and finish due Thursday. Know that sharing this with you gives me immense pleasure. See y’all tomorrow. Bless!