Good morning or afternoon for the lovely folks who are hours ahead of me!! I’m feeling good and feeling great. Had an awesome workout this morning which has me pumped not to mention what I learned today from our good pal Tony Robbins. Today’s topic: The Power of Association (Empowering vs. Disempowering Neuro-Associations). Robbins explains that Neuro- Association is whatever we associate to our nervous system is what will determine our behavior. As an example: If you link marriage to a lack of freedom than love and intimacy, then this will cause problems in our relationships. This example hit home a bit for me. Yesterday I mentioned that I link being in a relationship to losing my freedom. Definitely need to change my thinking on that as I do not want to block myself and miss out on Mr. Right. Throughout the 39 minutes he gave several examples which I know is to drive home his point. I’ll spare you all that.
He does mention that, if we want to change our lives, we must change our neuro-associations. Every single action we take has an effect on our destiny. He goes on to say that if we study destiny, we find everything in life has four parts: Everything we think or do is a cause set in motion. Every one of our thoughts and actions is going to have an effect or result in our lives. Our results begin to accumulate and take our lives in a certain direction. Lastly, for every direction, there is an ultimate destination or destiny.
Step 1: Three empowering neuro-associations from your past.
1. Reading: My love for reading came from my brother. Who knew he was a neuro-association scientist?! LOL! When I felt bored he would tell me to read. Of course being a child I didn’t see any fun in reading. Especially when I wasn’t even old enough to read all the big books my aunt brought over. He would say to me, Shy go wash up the dishes. I would groan and moan. Then he would say either wash up the dishes or go read a book. So, off I went and grabbed the nearest book. Then I would say, but Andrew I don’t understand all the words. He would then say, no biggie, make up stories based on the pictures and tell me all about it. Then we’ll read it together. Again, Shy go rake the yard. Moan and groan. Either read a book or rake the yard. On and on this went. Right up until I left Jamaica. I never did chores! Never! (my mom changed that when I came to America. Lol) I found the books interesting and I got so much pleasure reading and making up stories and spending quality time with him. The smile he would give me or the burst of laughter at my insanely made-up stories definitely let me link pleasure to reading. We all know that to this day I love to read. I was having a convo with my other bff Natty dread (she wanted to be called that for the sake of ‘hiding’ her identity ) and we estimated that we have read 3000-4000 (individually) books so far in our lifetime and we aren’t stopping anytime soon.
2. Writing: Ok so I know I like writing but I never thought about why until this assignment. I love science. However, if you check my grades in English vs Science it’s a huge difference. Okay not huge, but significant. Especially seeing that I’m a Bio major. I’ve always, always, always received high grades on papers. I enjoy reading a book and analyzing it however my teacher wanted us to. I don’t always like having a deadline and tend to procrastinate. Perfect example is my waiting till yesterday to write my 10 pg paper that’s due tomorrow when I knew about it since the very first day of class. I knocked it out in 3hrs and 13 minutes to be exact though :-D. I liked all the comments my teachers and professors would write at the end of the paper that made me beam. So, I’ve linked pleasure with writing and I’m sure this is positively shaping my destiny because I’m sure I’ll be doing some writing. Oprah anyone? (yep always been my dream. I said I’m going to share my story and go on Oprah. Hmmm maybe I should put a pic of her on my vision board? Ya sounds like an idea).
3. Public Speaking: Oh my goodness I feel majority of people are terrified of this. I do get nervous but it goes away once I begin to speak. When I came to New York my mom and I attended a Church by the name of Immanuel. I honestly don’t remember who asked me to do something or what it was but it involved being up on the pulpit and speaking in front of the entire congregation. All I can remember is the robust round of applause I received. Whatever that event was, turned into asking me to do the scripture reading, the announcements, participating in plays and I said yes to them all. I was told I have stage presence and know how to engage the audience and that I have a lovely speaking voice. This has definitely shaped my destiny because when I was 18 and I let the puss out the bag that I was sexually molested for four years by our neighbor, my mom of course told her friends. Her friends would call me and say how proud of me they were. Some shared their own stories and confided that I’m the first person they’ve told. Me! An eighteen year old. Cool stuff. They would say how admirable it was that I stayed focused in school. I decided hey I would love to be an inspiration to others. There have to be others out there like me. Do some motivational speaking. If I’m to do that then public speaking is a skill that’s needed. What do you know, I have it. J
Step 2. Three disempowering Neuro-Associations from your past.
1. Sex and acceptance: So I had a friend. Thick just like me. In fact she would share her clothes with me. My mom stopping buying me clothes for school after I told her I no longer wanted to wear Payless sneakers. From then on I had to buy my own clothes for school (She decked me out for Church though). This was no easy task seeing that I wasn’t working and had an on and off babysitting gigs (gasp! Yes yes I liked kids at the time). So this friend (at the time) would bring me cool clothes and I would change at McDonalds. Pretty chick. Kind hearted. Guys loved her. Here I am not in the latest fashion and a geek and wasn’t hanging out with the cool kids. I felt as if I was over looked. What do I have to offer? Well hmmm, I know sex! I hate to say what I’m about to say but after four years of molestation this man had be doing everything on porn so I gained a few skills. Very sad but true. So, can I get guys by enticing them with sex? Ok so we know the answer to that. Moving on…I linked sex to acceptance and it stills rings true…somewhat now.
2. Gotta work hard to get good money: I did an abundance reading and I was asked if I’ve ever heard that you have to work hard to make good money during my childhood. My response was no. What I realize now, while doing this assignment was that I didn’t hear it but I saw it. I watched my mom being a Home Health Aid and enduring racist comments while she’s cleaning her patient’s shit just to bring home a $1. I’m watching her now doing the same thing and struggling to pay her rent. I’ve watched my dad, EVERY SINGLE year around Christmas time struggle to make ends meet. For some reason the car would never work and he would be out of work. This meant going to the yard and picking a leaf, any leaf, wither it be lemon, cherry, mango or even a dasheen leaf to draw tea. It meant eating chicken back and rice. No thighs or breast for us. It meant eating hard dough bread and condescend milk for dinner. Now some of you Caribbean folks reading this may be smiling because you can relate. I smile now too. However, I’ve linked suffering to making money. Gotta suffer or work hard to make money. I no longer agree with that.
3. Not having children: I absolutely loveddddddddddddd children…up until I was 19 and had an abortion. Up to this day I’ve NEVER regretted it. Never! That doesn’t mean I haven’t linked some negative connotations to the experience. Before my relationship with my most recent ex I NEVER wanted to have children. Just wasn’t an option. Then I saw how he interacted with his cousin. How firm and loving he was to him and my heart softened. After 3 years of our relationship it ended with me thinking I would never have children to 95% chance I won’t. Ok ok 90%...ok to be honest around 85%. A 85% chance I won’t have children. Hey hey that’s progress! Don’t judge me. What’s the linkage here? When I was pregnant I was upstate in college, living on campus working 15 hours a week and my bf (the baby daddy) in school in Brooklyn with no job, living with his mom. Now how in the world was I going to care for a child? Notice I said I and not we. I completely negated him from the picture and thought omg I’m going to be a single mother. Why? Because that’s all that I was seeing around me. I saw classmates struggling and it wasn’t appealing to me. Would I have been a single mom? Doubt it. He would’ve been there for me BUT we would still be struggling and both of us struggling isn’t appealing to me either. So I linked struggling to having kids and that was best to do without (me having an abortion) instead of the joy a child brings. (If you’re wondering, I’m still unsure about having children. They are so EXPENSIVE! I can’t deal!).
That’s all folks! Have a blessed and wonderful day.