30 Day Challenge Day 15

May 15, 2013

 

Get the Edge Day 3 Disc 2 Power of Relationships

Hey hey!  Just got done doing disc 2 of relationships.  This disc was a workshop.  I just love his workshops.  It took me two days to complete.  It took lots of thinking.  I answered these questions based on my relationship status which is single.  However, some of the exercises are the same if you are in a relationship.  I can’t stress enough how informative and helpful this section has been.  This does not only apply to our intimate relationships.  Some of the concepts apply to the other relationships we have.  For me disc 1 and 2 made me think a lot about my friendships.  Please PLEASE invest in this cd.  If not for anything else but for the relationship discs.  

                Here goes!  The following are the exercises Tony had me do.

Visualize your ideal relationship.  What would it look like?  What would you talk about, laugh about, share, learn together?  How would you make love, surprise, and contribute to each other?

We would talk about everything.  We would share our fears and talk about them and help each other in overcoming them.  We would share happy times.  We’ll share what’s going on outside of our relationship.  We would laugh about things that are funny.  We would lovingly laugh at each other.  We would crack jokes on each other; all loving jokes, nothing that hits below the belt.  We’ll stay up for hours talking! (yes there are guys out there that will stay up for hours talking.  I personally know 3).  We will understand that there’s a rainbow after the storm and stick together and work together and support each other during the storm.  No running when things get tough.  We would make love passionately and deeply.  We’ll look each other in the eyes and with every touch I’ll orgasm.  It will never just be sex for us.  Even when it’s a quickie it’s filled with lots of passion and love.  We’ll practice tantric sex.  We’ll have spontaneous sex .  We’ll do some pretty raunchy stuff.  

                He’ll surprise me with gifts.  He’ll give me an ‘I love you’ phone call, just because.  He’ll show me in different ways his appreciation of me.  I’ll certainly do the same.  He’ll know that I love flowers and will always buy me flowers (this may sound like it would be boring after awhile but he can surprise me with different floral arrangements).  I’ll randomly take him to places that he would never thought of going.  We’ll connect spiritually.  Some of our magical times will be from travelling the world.  We’ll contribute to each other’s dreams and celebrate each other’s successes.

How to create an extraordinary relationship.  

1.        Learn to Love Yourself

Write at least 10 things you can do to show how much you love yourself.

As you may know by now, this is a very difficult task for me.  I went for a massage yesterday and also got a chakra reading.  She told me that my heart chakra is very small and muddy.  She see’s where I give give give give and get nothing in return.  I told her well I’m single so I won’t be getting anything in return and she said, well love yourself.  *DEEP SIGH* Clearly I can’t run away from this.  This is the third bloody time I’m being told by two different people that my heart chakra needs work.  A few ideas came to me as to why this is so hard for me.  I’m going to discuss it with my therapist this week.  I haven’t used my rose quartz in a while and I need to go back to using it because it’s definitely good for the heart chakra.  Here’s my list.

1.       Continue taking the time to physically take care of myself

2.       Increase my communication with my Higher Self, my Celestial Team and God through my writing and meditating.

3.       Once a month massages (keep my eyes out for those Groupon and Living Social deals.  A sistah is on a budget).  Also, spa days at home. 

4.       Once a week isolate myself from technology and any type of noise for a minimum of a 1.5hrs.  This is to be alone with my thoughts or to just have a clear head.  I did this in December for two weeks for several hours every day (I was on vacation from work.  No I didn’t go anywhere) and it was one of the best thing I’ve ever tried.  It’s so good for you mentally and I’m all about mental health.  You’ll be so surprise what comes to you or how rested mentally you feel.

5.       Do more things that I enjoy doing.

6.       Self appreciation:  Look at myself in the mirror more often.  Tell myself how much I love myself.  Remind myself of how bloody gorgeous and sexy I am!  Do affirmations.  

7.       Forgive myself more quickly.  Don’t beat myself up.

8.       Have a professional photographer take some naked pics of me.

9.       Be firm with sex.  Respect and remember the sacredness of it.

10.   Celebrate my accomplishments.  Remember that these are successes.  Like Tony says: success is not a destination.  Success is making progress towards the desires of one’s heart.

11.   Listen to my body more.  Sleep when my body is tired.

2.       Define your ultimate relationship

Describe your ideal mate and the mate from hell.  Put asterisks against the “must haves” and “must nevers.”  

My list consists of 62 things for my ideal mate and 48 for my mate from hell.  I’ll save you some read time and only list a few.

The Ideal Mate:

*Financially stable (4), Trinidadian (*sigh* ok ok ok this is negotiable); Dreadlocks *swoons* sweet Jesus I want a dreadlocks man.  Do you see that pic!!! *#flatline;*  *Good communicator (8); Selfless (10); *Spiritual or religious or have some type of connection to God or to a higher being (8); Loves life (6); *Open minded (10); *Respects my freedom (10); ****Well endowed (yeah I said it); generous (10); *Respectful (10); *Faithful (10); *Acknowledges me (10); *Shows his appreciation of me (10); *Compliments me (10); Supportive (10); *Ambitious (10); *Intelligent (10); *Mature (10); *Affectionate (10); *Good credit history and score(6); *Physically fit (5); *Passionate (10); *Loyal (10); Responsible (10); friendly (8); Believe in gay rights (10); *Wants to be married (10); *Is ok with having or not having children (10)

Mate from hell:

****Unfaithful; *Possessive; **Question my finances (I HATE THAT! If the bills are paid on time do NOT ask me how I spend my money.  I won’t question you so don’t you DARE question me); *Abusive; *Any type of addict; *Argumentative; Lazy; Immature; *Sucks in bed; Bad credit; *Doesn’t want to be married; *Wants to have children; *Doesn’t want to have children; *Stubborn; *Selfish; Conceited; *No ambition; *Petty; Miser; *Manipulative; *No connection with God or a Higher Being; *Broke; Doesn’t live on their own (MUST have a good excuse why they don’t).

What kind of person you have to be to attract your ideal mate?

1.       Work more on my communication skills.  I have a bad habit of creating a list of transgressions.  When an argument about apples comes up I’ll bring up oranges, honey dew and spinach.  Or worse I would hold everything and not say anything.  I now know this was from the scar from my third relationship.  He would never listen to me or hear me out.  He was a very stubborn man.  His way or the high way.  I learned to just not say anything at all and save my breath because I knew no change will occur.  However, my most recent ex started to break me out of this very bad habit.  He made sure I expressed how I feel and not hold anything in.  I was like this before and it feels good to be back.  I’m not 100% there yet so I need to work on that. 

2.       Love life:  I had so many downs in my life.  So much hurt, so much pain, that I didn’t know how to love life.  I’m slowly learning to love life.  I’m a work in progress.

3.       Because I was molested (he was married and had a child) I have a hard time trusting men.  Weirdest thing though, from I met my recent ex I trusted him 100% off the bat.  We are good friends and I still trust him 100% with everything.  Being with him was a needed reminder that not all men are scumbags.  I have my moments when I worry that I won’t find someone faithful.  Thankfully, I now have two good male friends around me who are faithful men so It’s a great help to remind me that there are good guys out there.  I’m not high and righteous.  My house is NOT made from glass but when it comes to being in a relationship I’m very serious about this.  

4.       I’m a sociable person but oh boy I need to increase my social life.  I need to get out more.  Find fun free or very inexpensive things to do.  Better yet find someone to take my behind out.  LOL

5.       Both of us can’t have average credit. My credit is okay but I’m working on getting it higher.

6.       I want someone who is adventurous.  To align myself I’ll need to start doing some adventurous stuff like bungee jumping, rock climbing or zip lining etc.  No way am I doing this on my own though.  I need a pal.

7.       Love myself more.  Y’all know the deal with that.  *sigh*

Learn to close the gap

If you’re not in a relationship, score yourself alone.  Go back to your must items and rate yourself on a 0-10 scale.  How close are you to being the person who will attract the kind of person you want?  

Okay, so scroll back up and note my numbers in parenthesis. 

How to deal with the inevitable challenges that will arise 

*Taken directly from workbook*- Challenges show up in every relationship.  If the same ones seem to keep popping up, and if they seem overwhelming, it may be that your natures are completely different and not complementary or you don’t share the same values.  Running from a relationship is not the answer.  Anywhere you go, you take yourself with you (true true)!  Honesty and clear communication are the only solutions.  Have an honest conversation with your partner about ways to meet both your needs and theirs.  Make yourself stronger and better; give more; focus on their needs.  Sometimes you have to make the hardest decision of all and the relationship.  Get clear on what’s best for you and the other person.  

He said something that I found powerful and that I’ve been stressing to my friends.  Tony says that staying in a relationship where you two really aren’t connected anymore, where you really don’t have the same nature, neither persons are fulfilled but you’re both hanging on because you don’t want the economic loss, or emotional loss, or feeling like a failure, or what people might think.  If you conduct your life trying to avoid these elements then you lose the love and fulfillment you deserve.  Become self honest.  Don’t settle for less.

Ending the relationship with my recent ex was so freeing.  He’s a great guy but all my needs weren’t being met and I was starting to dislike him.  Because he’s such a good guy he wouldn’t deserve my resentment our anger and so it was best to end it.  Ending it on good terms was the best thing because we are still friends.  However, I have quite a few friends that I just want to take a belt to their rumps and hug them at the same time.  They want to be single but don’t want to let go.  I keep telling them the same thing Tony says, which is, that they are not only doing a disservice to themselves but also to their partners.  I felt light as a feather when I broke things off.  Yes he was sad but it was the best for both of us.  Tony and I aren’t saying it’s easy but it’s a MUST.  Every single one of us deserves happiness and if being in a relationship is causing you discomfort, then evaluate it.  If breaking up is the best thing then do so.

That’s it for now.  I don’t know all of you but know that I don’t need to know you to extend best wishes and my love to you.  Love you *big hug*

TTYL!  Stay Blessed Hun.

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