Day 6: The Driving Force- Unleashing the power of your six human needs
Good night folks. As you know from my last blog, I’ve been up since 2:30a. I haven’t napped yet and I’m still not in bed yet. I really want to get this out so I won’t have to double up. I hope you had a great day today. I did! I had a red hot date…with nature. I went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and went on a guided tour. It was absolutely beautiful! The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. I read somewhere that outside of Japan, that the garden has the most collection of cherry blossoms. How cool is that?
After completing my laundry, I sat down to listen to what my good pal Tony had to say. He spoke about driving forces and how to make sure that we stay fulfilled and how to take away the fear of being successful. He encouraged me to be happy now, not to wait until I’ve achieved my goals. He then refreshed my memory of the definition of the word paradox. I’ll refresh your memory as well. A paradox is something that appears to be in conflict but is really complimentary. This, I felt is key to understanding what he deems the six human needs. They are: Certainty/Comfort, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth and Contribution. When he went through the first two I was a bit confused. It seemed that he was contradicting himself at first but then he gave several examples and realized what he was conveying. One just doesn’t go without the other. Opposite but complimentary. Paradox!
Let me give you a few examples that he used. Let’s take someone who is very successful. They have a lot of money and is certain of the flow of income. Then what happens? They start to have little fearful thoughts. They start to fear that it will all be taking away, or they’ll be sued, or being taxed heavily. Now they’re not so certain. So what happens when you feel complete certainty? Things become so predictable. What emotion then becomes attached to this certainty? BOREDOM! When you become bored you become unfulfilled.
Now you need some variety. Everything became so predictable and you start to get bored. Time to spice things up! Think of a relationship where things start to become monotonous especially in the bedroom. One reason for cheating is boredom. The other person intrigues them. The sex is different. You do things that were never tried at home. Let me insert a clause right here: I’m not endorsing cheating. My personal opinion is if things are getting boring a conversation needs to be had as to how things can be spiced up. ;-)
What about the need to be feel significant? Isn’t that a need for all of us? He gave a negative example of this. Someone walks down the street and is ignored. He then pulls out a gun and starts shooting. Now he’s significant right? He calls this instantaneous significance. A positive example he used is: When he do his workshops and ask women what their needs are, majority of the time their answer is ‘the need to feel needed.’ For men it’s the need to feel important. Children are the form of significance. Your children need you and this need of feeling significant is fulfilled. However, the biggest challenge is: to be significant you have to be different. Being too different violates the last need. That need is need for connection and love.
Isn’t this what we all really want? Isn’t this what our soul yearns for? To be loved. Nevertheless, if one is busy being significant, being too different it then separates you from other people. A negative driving force to fulfilling this need is doing something to gain the sympathy of others. Now you feel connected but this is an illusion. He used what I found very peculiar an example of asking a group during one of his workshops if they feel any connection by doing the laundry. Needless to say very little hands go up. Mines certainly didn’t. One woman spoke up and said that she feel loved by doing the laundry. She knows that her family needs this chore to be done so it gives her a sense of significance and being connected to her family. While she’s ironing she feels connected to God because she uses that time to speak to Him. I found this a very interesting example.
He shared with me a little secret. Whatever need we are in search of just give it.
1a. What’s something you love to do, something you feel compelled to do, something that feels effortless for you?
I love writing.
1b. On a scale of 0-10, how much does this activity meet your need for:
2a. What’s something you hate to do, or try to avoid doing?
I hate doing the laundry. Ughhh!!! :-X
On a scale of 0-10, how much does this activity meet your need for:
3a. Write down something you don’t like to do but you have to do (a Class 2 experience that doesn’t feel good but is good for you, good for others, and serves the greater good).
I dislike doing the laundry (how fitting seeing that I had just completed my laundry) but it is good for me because I need clean clothes to wear. It’s good for others because I won’t be wearing dirty clothes as that would just be an embarrassment. It serves the greater good because I’ll be saving the world from the stinky smell that I would be emitting into their nostrils.
3b. Turn that activity into a Class 1 experience by finding ways to make sure it meets all six of your needs at a greater level.
Certainty: What could I do or believe to make thinking about this activity feel not only comfortable but also pleasurable?
Hmmmmm this one was a toughy to answer. It really took a lot of thinking so I thought of what I currently do while I’m doing the laundry. Thankfully there’s a Laundromat in the basement of my building. I’m an early bird and because I do laundry once a month (I know I know :-/) I always have six loads. Well there are only three washing machines which mean I have two rounds to do. I go downstairs super early to get started (I’m an early bird) so that I won’t run into anyone so that I’ll have to share the machines. Super early means 3am. While round one is going I usually run upstairs and get things done. Whiter its doing some household chores, reviewing my finances which includes balancing my checkbook (I find a majority of folks I know don’t do this. Do you do this?) and updating my budget spreadsheet. During this time I’m knocking off stuff off my list. Once the laundry is completed I get to sometimes get a quick nap before I have to head out to get an early start on my errands. The fact that I’ve completed some of my tasks I feel a sense of accomplishment which is pleasurable.
Uncertainty/Variety: How could I bring more variety to this task?
Once the first round is in the dryer and the last round is washing I run upstairs to complete more tasks. Once my timer goes off that the drying is completed I run downstairs and stay there for the rest of the procedure. This is the part I hate the most. That moment when you have to fold the clothes. Dreadful! I’m not one to ever stuff the clothes in the bag and fold upstairs. I HAVE to do it while I’m down there because once I bring the clothes up all that’s needed is to unpack and then that’s it! While I’m folding I can add some variety and incorporate some music. Get some soca or dancehall playing so I can jam at 4am. It will take my mind off the wretched task and I know I’ll fold faster which would then allot me more time to nap. So next month I shall be jamming. I’ll let you know how that turns out.
Significance: How can I appreciate how important this is?
It’s really an embarrassment when a guest goes in the bathroom and their eyes are graced with how clean and lovely it is. Then when their eyes swivel to the right they see an overflowing laundry bag. No bueno no bueno. Well I can get rid of my I don’t care attitude and think of it as doing them a favor. For those of you, who know me well, know that I like doing for others. Next month I’ll just think that I’m doing this for my friends. LOL
Connection/Love: How can I feel more love while I’m doing this?
Ok this is going to be far fetched to you but this is how my brain works. If I tell myself that by doing my laundry I’m saving others the unpleasantness of me smelling stinky I can also say that I’m saving the environment of releasing the stinky smell into the atmosphere. LOL!!!! Whatever works right? This will then make me feel connected to the environment. J Ya, I like this idea.
Growth and contribution: How can I feel like I’m growing and contributing?
Going back to feeling connected to the environment statement, I’ll feel that I’m contribution and any little help works. For example, I cannot afford to go fully green but I make sure that I recycle and I get on my friends case if I see that they don’t do it. Hey, whatever floats my boat right?
That’s all folks. Enjoy the remainder of your day. Hopefully you gained some insight to what Tony Robbins said today.
Stay Blessed! Love ya.