The Sailor's Creed
Being a parent doesn’t come with instructions. At none of the doctor’s visits did they hand you a book that details what to do in such and such situation. There’s no FAQ or trouble shoot or assembly section. Oh sureeee we have the internet and there are several books out there now but that’s the opinion of the author and maybe some psychologist quotes in there. However, what goes for one doesn’t go for all. All you can do is: do the best you can. Mistakes will SURELY happen. It’s inevitable. Another guidance can be, reflecting on how you were raised and take from it what you would like to pass on to your child and edit what you thought your parents could’ve done differently. I know for me that’s my planned method. I know you lovely folks have ‘heard’ me mention my munchkin (nephew) on here several times. From praying to seeing him to enjoying his company. Well we didn’t have the aunty nephew relationship before now. Let me explain. I first met my nephew July of 2012. I wasn’t a part of his life as he was born one month after I immigrated to New York. I received a few pics up to around the age of one and that was it. I thought it cool being 10 years old and an aunt. As I grew up I wanted a relationship but I’m the type of person that believes that a name is a name but a title is EARNED. Therefore, my name is aunty but I didn’t feel I've earned the title as yet. We all know by know that my sister and I aren’t the best of buddies, so starting a relationship wasn’t all that attractive and communicating with anyone back home didn't come as easy as it is now. So a few road blocks. My sister immigrated here five years ago and like most parents, a mother misses her child badly when they’re separated by thousands of miles. Being in the same country and not around much is one thing but when a plane is involved in order to see each other is a whole other thing. While here, she went through several hardships, which wouldn’t have occurred had she listened to me. There’s a saying, ‘who don’t hear must feel’ and TRUST ME she FELT it. Thousands of hours of conversation with this lady down the drain but hey a part of life is lessons and she learned that one hard. So, she went through unnecessary hell and high water for him to arrive here. Don’t quote me but I believe it was late 2011 or early 2012 when all documents were in order for him to arrive smoothly. I was in absolutely no agreement with him immigrating here. My opinion and suggestion, which I voiced, was for him to stay and live in Jamaica and come to New York to visit on holidays. I felt like the inward and outward environment she was in wasn’t suited for the young man or anyone for that matter to live in. She has a daughter who was born while here, that’s different. This young man wasn’t born into the madness like her and it’s not a lifestyle one should get comfy in. I’m not a parent so I felt like maybe because of that she disregarded what I said. She pushed forward with her plans and I asked her about school. Her daughter is young and so she’s now learning the system. Bringing an eighteen year old into the country you better make sure he’s entering school immediately. She was lost with what to do in that arena so I offered to help as I’ve been in school since I arrived in the country and still in school. The help offered was accepted and appreciated. It wasn’t a difficult task because he’s a smart young man and he had the grades to back it up. The plan was for myself, her and mumsie to attend Kachian’s High School graduation in Jamaica in July 2012. Of course few months before she and I kicked off and then I think her and mommy kicked off and so neither of us were in attendance of his special day. Now that I think about it, that may have been her plan all along. Yes, you read right. Moving on. I’m a planner and I always have a backup plan and have to be sure when dealing with my sister I have several back up plans. When we had our fight my next call went to cancelling the room we were going to rent together and use the refund to book a room for myself and my mom at a resort that Ms. Royalty was going to be staying during the same time I was travelling. Seven days at the resort and three days with my aunt. BOOM, problem solved and a nonrefundable airline ticket not wasted. We were on the same flight but I’m good at being cordial and traveling can be a pain sometimes so we all worked together and things were smooth-ish. I know more about computer than my sister so when Kach requested a laptop with certain specs, she called me. I sat on the phone with her and built a custom made laptop. Any school questions from either him or her I readily answered. So communication was established. I even got him a graduation gift. I was in the background of his life doing my thing. So I was excited to meet him!
As the car pulled up mommy and I held our little corner but I was brucking my neck to get a first peek at what he looks like. A handsome, tall, slim and lean young man emerged and I was like YES Nikky you did good you did good in my head (I tell my mom that all the time when I have a moment and really look and see how beautiful I am. I would call her and say, mommy you did good you did good or if I don’t call I mumble it under my breath. Meaning she picked a good man to compliment her genes to produce someone beautiful). I didn’t want to push up myself on him as we don’t know each other besides a few emails that only consisted of questions. Then I decided not to be awkward about it and went and gave him a biggggg hug! That broke the ice. Since then we just clicked! I snapped a couple pics, chill for a bit and off they went. During the trip we texted each other and saw more of each other once I was back in Kingston from the resort. He came by my aunt were my mom and I were staying and we would chat it up. I can’t even remember what we chatted about but there were several questions and a lot of laughter. I loved the guy and decided I wanted to earn the title of aunt. I’m good at cutting out people in my life and I’m also good at welcoming so I made space for a nephew. I think our connection started to annoy my sister but I tried explaining to her that when children reach around a certain age they don’t want to be seen with their parents. It’s just a phase. I could feel it brewing that oh he likes her more than me and I ignored it. When it came time to go out and eat he sat next to me and we chatted some more. I do recall some of that conversation. He told me he wanted to be married and have a few children by 23. I KNOCKED that thought right out! I remember thinking like that and as I’m only ten years older it’s still quite fresh in my mind. I didn’t tell him he shouldn’t do that but I made sure to lay things out for him and he’s an analytical thinker so I saw the wheels turning in his head and I left it right there. If you have all your ducks in a row then by all means booboo. I was sad to say good bye. By this time I probably saw him three times but a bond formed and I couldn’t wait to see him again. I had it all planned out. We would hang out every other weekend and I would take him to tourist areas and he’ll be my pal to go places I want to go but don’t have company (by choice) to go with. I was totally looking forward to having a hang out buddy. HA! And again I say HA!
He arrived in New York in November of 2012 and I had to contain myself from asking if I could be at the airport. It would be his first time meeting his little sister… oh and the man Nikky married (I totally had stepdad there and it gave me the chills. I had to backspace it out). And of course, I knew my sister would want her moment with him so I controlled myself. Ms. Royalty was having a game night at her house which is less than ten blocks from my sister’s house a few weeks after his arrival. I told Kach about it and he was down and so I asked Nikky and I received an excuse. I asked about us going to the movies and received another excuse. I asked if I could just come down there and see him another excuse. I asked mommy what in the world is going on and she was just as confused. We didn’t get it. I told Kach that look, dude I’m trying but you’re under her roof and I have to respect that but things weren’t added up and I was starting to squint my eyes. The day of Ms. Royalty’s party I prayed and took brave heart and called her and asked if I could come over. She said yes. She was having some sort of difficulty getting him to do something (Kach if you reading this I won’t blow up your spot) and I told her to put him on the phone. Less than two minutes he was up and at it. After I got off the phone I thanked the good Lord Almighty and stopped what I was doing (something at school I think) and ran to Flatbush and hopped a dollar van. When I got there him and I had a warm embrace as this is my first time seeing him since he arrived. Then Nikky started telling me some of the other difficulties she was having with him. Again, I remember my experience of coming here and not having any of my friends and not being around the family members I’m used to so I saw through the problem and her yelling and carrying on wouldn’t help. I sat next to him and asked his side of the story. OMG I HATED while I was growing up that folks RARELY asked me my side of the story. As long as an adult said it, it was instant beating when my mom got home. He told me his side of things and knowing both sides I was able to reason with him and her. It was easy getting through to him and when I looked up I felt like I did something bad. Honey! The heat coming off of my sister and the smile on her face didn’t match. I was trying to figure out what was wrong and I was like you know what, It’s time for me to go. I didn’t know it then, but Kach was already fed up and had formulated his own plan for my arrival. I stood up and hugged my niece, told Nikky bye and was about to hug Kach when he got up and was like, ‘mommy, soon come back I’m going to follow aunty down the road.’ You know a deer in headlights? That was me and her. He had on a sweat pants and a t-shirt and he went and grabbed a slippers and a sweat pants. She and I were both in agreement of his lack of proper attire. I was in a sweater and my North Face jacket with a tights under my jeans. It was cold! But he was already out the door so I went with it. When we got outside I was like dude are you mad?! He shrugged and we chatted and enjoyed our little walk. I introduced him to Ms. Royalty. Nikole wasn’t there yet so she missed out on meeting him. I sooooooooooooo didn’t want anything to happen to him on my watch so I walked him back to his house and then walked back to Ms. Royalty’s house. Did I mention it was cold! After that, all attempts for seeing him were continuously shut down. I wrote her a letter saying I got the message and that I’ll back off. I felt like a father fighting for custody and I wasn’t down for the nonsense. Kach is a smart young man and whatever she was planning and executing will surely backfire in some shape or form so I left it to God. My mom knows not to get on my bad side. If I say I don’t want to hear about anything about someone she knows not to mention it to cross me. Therefore, I knew she must’ve, or BETTER had a good reason to mention Nikky in a conversation we were having. She told me that Nikky felt like a fish out of water in regards to Kach and college and that she’s going to try and find a high school or a GED program for him so that it would be easier for him to get into college. My blood pressure rose. The issue was that I applied for him after the application deadline for school. Not my fault but I told them not to worry because I knew how to get him in. My nephew isn’t going to have those high CXE scores only to go to high school. Out your damn mind. I told mommy I’m going to hang up and call her. You see at this point I wasn't on speaking terms with her and Kach because I received a text from him saying thanks but no thanks and from this point on he doesn’t need my help. Well CLEARLY he’s been in the American school system for years and worked in an admissions department before. So, as we would say back home, ‘I washed my hands’ from both of them. However, I couldn’t allow the madness to continue after I heard what mommy told me, so I picked up the phone and dialed the house number from memory (her husband is my ex best friend’s father and they’ve had that number for over 19 years. It’s a number I can’t forget). She picked up and with steel in my voice I instructed her on what to do and to not follow anything Kach had to say. I told her where to go, who to see, what to bring, and what to say and then got off the phone. My next call went two people and I told them to look out for my sister and nephew the next day. I was told through the grapevine (mommy) that all was a success and he was set for college. Just doing my thing in the background. I didn’t receive a thank you text from Kach and I understood now why that was. It didn't bother me either. Just doing my thing for him. Weeks later I did receive a message from him and we were back to communicating more frequently. March, his birthday month was fast approaching and I wanted to do something for his birthday. Him and I started praying on it and another prayer was answered when she allowed him to come out. Folks let me tell you, you can ask Nikole, Marshall, Ms. Royalty, my mom anyone close to me how much I prayed to just spend a little time with him. I seriously felt like I was a father fighting for custody. Anyway, I went and picked him up, made a pit stop to Vincillona’s house and then it was off to my place in Manhattan. It was an adventure for him. Since he arrived he hadn’t been anywhere besides school. I had a whole day planned for us and I was three blocks away from my house when my sister called his phone. My phone was in my bag so I missed her call (I had unblocked her number for the day seeing that I would have her son with me). I could hear her voice so I knew it wasn't going to be good. Oh she carried on and on and on. He gave me the phone and she carried on and on with me. I said nothing. What she was saying made no sense to neither myself or to Kach. Eventually I interjected and asked her if she want me to bring her child back. Her answer was a beep which meant the call ended. I shrugged and handed back the phone. He called her back and asked if he should come home and her reply was, ‘do weh you wah fi do.’ Any child knows that when a parent says do what you want to do, that means get your butt home NOW. I had some bags with me so we walked the remaining blocks and dropped them off then I headed back out to take him home. I gave him the gift I had and he loved it. I wasn’t surprised by the interruption but it hurt. I called my mom and cried. I just couldn’t understand the issue and neither could she. No one could. However, my friend came up with a theory that she has a sick possessiveness of him (my therapist agrees). He’s hers and ONLY hers! Kiss mi neck! As the months rolled on by our theory was proven correct. Kach and I continued communicating. Summer rolled around and I mentioned to him I’m going paintballing. He said he wanted to come and that he WILL come. I was shocked by his determination but advised that we should add prayer to the mix. I told my friends about it and they prayed too. He DID make it! I was so EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG you don’t even understand the joy I felt! I picked him up and my friend MB was in the car. I had invited a lot of people and told them to bring their friends. We went to Vincillona’s place to meet up with her and her crew and the other’s met us there. Off to Staten Island we went to Cousins Paintball. Oh my goodness folks, he had soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun! I on the other hand absolutely hated it. I didn’t fire not even once. I ended up finishing my balls at the shooting range. The field just wasn’t for me but I was very good at the range. It was a joy seeing him have fun with the others. I’m mad I don’t have any pictures of that event. Afterwards my friend told me his family is having a cookout at State Liberty Park in New Jersey. Off we went. I was waiting for either Kach’s phone or my phone (I unblocked her again) to ring but nada. As a matter of fact, he was having so much fun and didn’t want any interruptions that he put his phone in the truck of the car. He’s a quiet but friendly guy and made acquaintances quickly. I watched him play cricket and he was totally in his element. Me and MB sat and watched him and he told me how happy I looked. I told him of course. I pointed to Kach and told him to look how he’s interacting with the others and he saw what I saw. Looking beyond the sweat on his face you saw a happy young man having a ball. I didn’t want sun to set with me still having him out so I got him back home by around 8:30. I mentioned it in a blog how much that moment meant to me and it’s still a memory I won’t forget. That was July 2013. My heart expanded with more love and warmth for him. Then in August we had a very good conversation about religion and spirituality. He was researching if non Christians go to hell. I knew this was a conversation I would have to be careful with. I didn't want to sway anyone to or from religion. However you make your connection go for it. He told me he found his answer, that yes, non Christians will make it to heaven, that there are other ways to make it other than being a religious person such as treating your neighbors as you would want to be treated and living by love. He said that a lot of preachers preach fear and he realize that its more so a money thing. I wholeheartedly agreed with that answer! We went deeper and started talking about chakras and he was surprised that I knew about chakras and crystals and all the things he has been slowly drawn to. This was another step with deepening our bond. I told him I wrote a post on here about how I got on the spiritual path and after he read it he had a slew of questions for me that I happily answered. Turns out that almost everything I was into he was drawn to and wanted to know more about. Our talks became very interesting from then on. I only wanted to spend more time with him and to show him a few things. Each exciting conversation I had with him I would share with Nikole because I was just such a proud aunty that he’s looking into things himself and asking a lot questions. By me sharing everything to her and Ms. Royalty they became his adopted aunties. Doing their praying for all of us. One day I received a random text that he’s going to run away. I told him no problem and to text me when he arrived where ever. Few days later he told me he’s joining the Navy. I was NOT happy but I quickly made the connection and supported him with his decision. He wanted to leave right away but he agreed to his mom’s plea to at least obtain his Associate’s degree before he went in. It was a deal. The plan became to pile on the classes so that he could graduate May 2014 and off to Navy Boot Camp, July 2015. The clock started ticking. Then, in December around Christmas time an unfortunate incident occurred at his home. Like I mention I don’t ask about my sister and Kach has never mentioned to me anything that happens in the home so I knew things were bad when he started telling me that things were bad. They didn’t get any better over a couple of days. It got to the point where he had to pack a bag for his sister and the both of them headed to my mom’s house. I’m going to skip over some details but from my mom’s house he wanted to chill a night or two with me until things cool down a bit at home. Given the situation my sister didn't protest. I took ADVANTAGE! I went and picked him up and we walked around Washington Square Park. We grabbed some food, picked up some toiletries for him and went and saw Thor. The next day we went out for breakfast and we just started having fun. Each day he was with me was a blessing and we were living it up! I showed him my crystals and he felt the energy of each, his favorite was the amethyst. I took him to Namaste bookstore and he was amazed by all the crystals and other metaphysical things there. I told him whichever crystal he was drawn to he should pick up. I even ordered him a crystal chakra set. I taught him about pendulums and how to use them. I had him check if my chakras were balanced by using the pendulum and then he asked me to check his. His chakras were fine for the most part. His third eye was slightly open (made sense), throat chakra completely and utterly closed (wasn’t surprised as he keeps everything in) and a strong root chakra. The rest were fine. He asked how he can balance it out and I told him Reiki and crystal healing are a couple of options. He asked for both and I happily complied. He had this mentality where keeping everything in is healthy and that it eliminates arguments. I explained that not everything have to turn into an argument and that from a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) perspective that that is a terrible thing to do. Everything you hold in will manifest outwardly into sickness and or dis-eases. Each day I came home we found fun things to do. I taught him card games and I learned quickly to not play any type of game with him because he’s very competitive and a sore loser. If he lose then I’m cheating. I took him to the Bronx to my friend’s house so he can see other boroughs and just to see new places. We watched a movie in 3D at his place, played cards and watched him play video games. I taught him about archangels and that there are many more than the ones we were taught in the Bible. I taught him about thirteen others and about their specialties and that it’s easy to ask them for help. For example, archangel Metatron’s speciality is time warping. If running late you can always ask him to send a train or bus or whatever to make you on time or maybe you will be late but maybe the meeting or whatever didn’t start as yet. I explained that they are never too busy and no task too mundane to ask your guardian angel(s), archangels and God for. He was highly skeptical and feared I may have gave him too much information but it warmed my heart so much when one day we arrived at the train station and in no time the train came and he exclaimed, ‘Yes yes omg it worked! I asked Archangel Metatron to send the trains quickly.’ We did get home rather quickly that day. I taught him about mediation and the different ways one can meditate. It wasn’t much his thing but if I was going to meditate, sometimes he would join me. I took him shopping so that he can have a few pieces by me and wouldn’t have to worry about any back and forth (by this time my sister and I were cordial with each other and supposedly she would let him visit me every other weekend. I wasn’t buying it but remained optimistic). One day I noticed that his nails were uncommonly dark and I realize that he’s always hot. I explained that this could be related and suggested acupuncture. He was HIGHLY skeptical. What could poking him with a bunch of needles do? Then while I was at work he did his research on acupuncture and came back and told me that the reviews on acupuncture aren’t high and that there’s nothing much on the internet about it. His attitude, skepticism towards it was highly offensive but I’ve had someone told me my Reiki is Voodoo. It caught me off guard but I smiled and knew that it was due to lack of education in that department and that most people fear what they don’t know. So when Kachian came at me with the whole acupuncture don’t work conversation I took a step back. Keep in mind I’m attending a school that teaches massage therapy, acupuncture and herbology. All of which are alternative medicine. I showered to gather my thoughts and composure because he was basically telling me I’m going to school that’s teaching something that doesn’t work and that I’m wasting my time. While in the shower I asked for guidance on how to handle the situation and then a thought came to me and I burst out laughing. He believes in Reiki, archangels, being intuitive, crystals but yet acupuncture doesn’t work? Really? You would think it would be reversed, no? When I got out the shower I sat down and explained to him that acupuncture is new to the West but it’s something that has been going on in the East for many many mannnnnnyyyyy years. I suggested he try it and then make a decision. He was surprised how I handled the situation. He was expecting yelling and a whole heap of fussing. There's just no need for all that. I took him to see an acupuncturist and a few days later his nails started to become lighter until they were nice and clear with that pinkish hue. I never heard a bad thing mentioned about acupuncture ever again. On the weekends we’ll find places to go. Like we tried different restaurants. Alicie and or Kizzy would come by and chill with us or meet us places and we would hang. For example I took him to Dave and Busters and Alicie met us there and Kizzy and her friend came too. Before I knew it days turned into weeks and it was February and things started getting real.
The first thing I noticed was that it was costing me a lot of money buying outside food for two people for at least two meals per day. Now, I have this thing where being single I don’t cook. I don’t like cooking for myself, plus it’s a lot of work so I don’t bother. I realized quickly that I’m going to have to start cooking. Then I was reminded that buying groceries for two isn’t cheap. My groceries cost me $120, $150 tops a month. With Kach now with me I was spending on average $77 a week. That’s $306 a month. Then if you folks remember I became financially responsible for my dad in February so I now have two extra mouths to feed. It was clear I had to start cutting back on things, a lot of things. I wasn’t happy about it but I did learn from it. I understood what parents go through when they make sacrifices. Some things may seem silly to someone but it was my lifestyle and changes were happening. For example I realized I’m going to have to learn how to give myself a full pedicure especially paint my toe nails to save on money. Youtube came to my rescue. It took me two hours to give myself a pedicure. TWO HOURS! But I was proud of myself. I saved money. By this time school was a few weeks in for him and I had decided to take a semester off. If you folks recall I had a nervous breakdown in November 2013 and although I bounced back I still needed a break and I felt it in my bones. Work and school was just team too much. However, try explaining that to a 18 yr old who only saw it as me giving up and a sign of weakness. HA! It took patience. I kindly and gently told him that taking a semester off isn’t giving up, nor is it a sign of weakness. I’ll be returning the following semester and that in time he’ll learn that you MUST listen to your body. My body was telling me I need to take a break and that something had to give. I needed to keep a roof over my head so my job stayed. As much as I want to finish up school quickly, it’s not going anywhere so I asked for a LOA (leave of absence). They were able to grant it to me without any penalties due to my grades and I was very very thankful. He still didn’t get it and I let him know that a lot of the things I do or say he won’t understand because he’s still young. Then I corrected myself because age doesn’t mean anything. I told him his lack of experience will make him not understand a few things but that in time he will. I didn’t have to wait very long for him to learn that lesson. He was taking I think 7 or 8 classes (remember he wanted get his Associates before entering the Navy so he piled on the classes) plus scholarship and Navy meetings. With this new schedule he was coming close or a little over 40 hrs aweek, which is nothing compared to my 65 hr a week schedule I had while attending school. It became very stressful for him and decided to drop a class and take it over in the summer. I didn’t even rub it in. All I did was gave the look that meant ‘see what I mean?’ It wasn’t until that moment did he finally understand what work overload meant.
’m cry-laughing as I remember some things. Like for example, when I had a lime (get together) at the house. Shawnie and KD came over and it was an EPIC night! I know it’s a night he will never forgot. Man we had sooo much fun that night. I don’t think he would want me to tell y’all what happened so I’ll leave it out. I will say this, my friends saw that I was telling the truth that the minute he loses he calls everyone a cheater and he’s a sore loser. I also remember a Thursday morning texting Nikole that I just finishing COOKING! That’s right, cooking. Cooking and any day other than Sunday will not be in the same sentence for me. Guess why that happened? The food I cooked from the Sunday was finished and nothing was in the fridge for him to eat. I had to make sure he had something for his lunch and when he gets home from school. I put his needs before my own. A common occurrence with parents. Another lesson. This one I knew but was feeling it.
March came along and it was his birthday month. I was still cordial with his mother and so I formulated a plan to throw him a surprise birthday party at my mom’s house. He gave me such a hard time that day and my spirit grew truly cross. I knew he would regret his behavior after he realized all that I was doing for him. And he did. His birthday gift to himself was to becoming Usui Reiki certified and he’s a Reiki II practitioner now. He was like my assistant when I had to do any Reiki business and needed help. It was nice seeing him heal himself and even me. I would be laying down and he would say that my energy feels off and he would Reiki me. If I had a headache he would Reiki me. I realized that he’s a natural at massaging just like me, so I would teach him a thing or two. If I’m in pain I would tell him what to do and he would do it to perfection. He was like a mini me.
I used to live on my phone. I’m always texting someone, looking up something or going through social media for a good laugh or a smile, talking on the phone for hours with friends and what not. Then with him being with me that completely cut out. I started to notice a slight attitude with him and asked him about it. He came clean and told me that he values my attention and wants my attention when I get home. This was VERY new to me. My mom wasn’t home when I came home from school so I learned to entertain myself. Plus I’ve been single for two years so giving anyone attention wasn’t necessary. He also told me that he didn’t like it when he’s sleeping and I’m on the phone and that when I’m home he want me and him time. Although it was weird to me I thought it over and understood. It’s the same thing I plan to do with my child. When I get home it’s me and my child time. So when I got home I would put my phone on silent and place it face down. At large intervals I would check it and then respond. If anyone called and he’s sleeping I would text them and say Kach is sleeping, I’ll call you back. This truly helped me to cut back talking to a lot of folks. The space also helped me to analyze the people in my life. I’m not sure which friend said it, maybe Nikole, that ‘Kachian have you under manners!’ It became this big joke among my friends. I had to find a balance. Guess what? It taught me a lesson for when I have my child. Sometimes the scales tipped but I would know based on his behavior if I need to find back that balance of spending time with him and acknowledging my friends. There was another time where I was going through something with a male friend. He knew all about it and I was pretty saddened by what transpired. I was in tears and then I started talking to myself as to how I’m going to handle the situation. We were in the house but I received a text from him and it jolted me. Especially when I read the part that said: ‘you don’t know it, but I’m looking at how you are going to handle this situation as I look at you as a strong black woman and whatever you do I will start to judge other girls by how you handle this…So far I have never met one single woman that did the right thing, all have failed. You are my only hope that women still can make right decisions. I have tried with [...]and that failed worst than how I even imagined.’ It wasn’t the last sentence that got me because that came as no surprise, it was the overall meaning of the text. It reminded me that children live by example. I’m sure there are a lot of things that we don’t do because our child is around and you don’t want them to think its acceptable behavior. You know, ‘do as I say and not as I do’ moments. Well I realized that the responsibility fell to me to change this young man’s view of women which of course wasn’t a hard task at all :-).
Kach became my pocket book. Anywhere I went he was right there under my arms. I turned down dates because I can always get a date but the time was ticking on my time with him. If I was invited somewhere and he couldn’t come, guess what I wasn’t going. It was during this time of turning down dates that I started looking at the males I interacted on a day to day basis, whether it be text or in person. I don’t know how to explain it but something started to change within me. I started noticing things that weren’t good and realized it was time to make some changes. I know it’s because of Kach why I was able to notice the issues that needed addressing. Then when my trip in April to Florida and Bahamas came around it was sooooooo hard being away from him. You would think I was his mom and he was a new born baby. Every WIFI moment I got I would check up on him to make sure he’s good and that he didn’t burn down the apartment. I mean I totally enjoy the moments we had at home. We would go through his Facebook feed and my Instagram together. It was one of our nightly routines. I would be watching one of my reality shows and he would crawl into my lap and we would watch it together. Much to the (pretend) dismay of him I would randomly hug him up and tell him that I love him. When he was wrong, I corrected him and showed him why he was wrong. We didn’t get into anything huge, which was new to him. I explained that if two people are arguing then no one is listening. He’s a quiet guy so I know that chances are he won’t be the one carrying on. I did teach him a few things that came back and bite me in the arse. For example, if he got too fresh with me I would tell him that I don’t appreciate his attitude and when he feels mature enough to come back to me and we will discuss things or if he’s trying to go into details about something via text, I would respond and say we will discuss this when I get home. Then one day something happened and I caught wind of it. I text him and he text me back that we will discuss things when I get home. I wanted to cuss but all I could do was smile. Then there was another time he told his mom that he doesn’t appreciate her attitude and that they’ll talk when she can be more reasonable. She was pissseedd. I nearly peed my pants with the inner laughter I was doing, hey I didn’t wrong him. Yelling or carrying on verbally or by text will solve nothing. All these things were so new to him and he became a sponge soaking it all up.
Mother’s day came around (by this time he was living permanently with me) and I got a text from Kizzy that said: “Happy mother’s day to you for you have stood up to your challenges and all negatives and have been the best mother figure Kach could of ever ask for.” Brought tears to my eyes. I even got a happy mother's day from him. I mean I know my friends kept referring to me as a mother figure but I would shake it off. Even though there were several times I would turn to Nikole and say, ‘I swear he’s my child. I feel like Nikky pushed him out and I’m raising him.’ Of course when he acts all stubborn and like I fool I totally disown him. Nah nah nah chill, he didn’t get that from me. LOL! Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t set out to replace his mother. I can never do that. However, by being me I moved up from aunty to a mother figure in everyone’s eyes. Even though things were super tight we still found ways to have a good time with each other. We would watch movies together which I’m not a big fan of, but we had to watch The Lion King after I found out he never saw it. I couldn’t believe it. Of course being an empath I had to lock myself in the bathroom and cover my ears around the time when Mufasa was about to die. In every movie I would saw some things and predict what would happen and I’m usually right. He couldn’t understand how and so he would ask me how I did that. I would explain that nothing is unintentional in a movie, the same as a book. The clothes that the actors wear means something, the background music, how much the camera zooms in, the setting. Everything is intentional. It became this thing where he would pick a movie for us to watch just for him to test himself. It was a pleasure listening to him analyze things and picking up on things that previously would’ve flew over his head. On 6/24 at 10:23am he was watching Purge by himself (I can’t watch movies too often. It’s hard for me to separate myself from the movie so I limit how much movies I watch). Anyway he turned to me and said: ‘I’m getting too smart for movies. It’s so predictable. They need to be more creative. You’ve ruined movies for me. It’s all your fault.’ I shook my head but inside I was beaming!
One day he said to me, you know that mommy was wrong? I asked what about and he said about me. That conversation led to me learning some oh so lovely things (HUGE sarcasm there) that my sister has said about me. Unbeknownst to me he has been watching for all these bad things that she was saying and none of it were true. I told him, well she is right about me being cold and that’s about it. When I cut someone off I cut them completely off. Other’s perceive that to be cold but there’s so much I can take and I like giving people plenty of rope to hang themselves. I warned him to never bring me to that point. However, I was glad his conclusion was nothing like what she portrayed me to be. My friends she didn’t want around turned out to be the same women he enjoys being around. It wasn’t cool learning that I was under observation but it was nice to know that 99% of what she said he found out for himself to be completely false.
I can tell you several more stories but this may have already been too drawn out for you so I’ll wrap it up. I had good and bad days with Kach. He is nineteen and I had to remind myself constantly that that’s around the age children feel they are smarter than everyone and know everything. So I had some days I would look up to the ceiling and did what he called the ‘tambourine hands.’ Which was me silently praying to God to tek di case and gimme di pillow. Which basically means that I’m asking God to take the difficulties away and to leave me with comfort. While I would be doing that my eyes would be looking up in the ceiling and I would be shaking my hands as if I was shaking a tambourine. Thankfully, there were more good than bad. As his time to leave was winding down his attitude got really bad and my friends and I recognized it for what it really was. He has expressed that he’s going to miss me a lot and that he didn't expect to miss me this much, but that I've been such a positive influence in his life in such a short time. As the time for boot camp came neigh he just started acting out. He didn’t know how to handle missing me and my friends that he drew so close to. I was quickly losing patience and this is where I experienced the meaning of 'it takes a village to raise a child' saying. Even though I recognized what was going on I was at my wits end. Nikole was sending Reiki to the both of us then it got to the point where she and Alicie had to pick up the phone and knock some sense into him. I was so close to throwing up my hands in the air. While he was receiving messages from them I got a message from Kizzy that said: 'he is at the age where he need to make mistakes. You have to do your part and let him know where he is messing up even when he don’t want to hear it because like it or not you are his mother figure in his life. You have to do your part then no matter what he does you have nothing to worry about because he will look back at this one day and be happy you did.” That text gave me the extra strength I needed. With the combine forces we were able to sort things out.
Saturday night, two nights ago, I had a ‘See you later’ gathering at my mom’s house. Everyone knows how much we love each other and can see and feel what a close bond we have. I knew I would be writing a blog dedicated to him and so at no point did I want to make a speech. Not only because I wanted to save my words but because I know I would be a hot mess crying. I was teased by my friends that they were going to bring Puffs for the both of us. I wish someone seriously did bring, because we both needed it. He gave a speech and addressed every adult in the room. My mom and her husband, Kizzy, Alicie, Ms Royalty, Nikole and myself. I couldn’t look at him during his speech to me. Each time I would glance up my chest would be tight trying to hold back tears. You could feel everyone in the room trying not to cry. I wanted to just hug him up and stop him from talking because the reality of the following day being my last with him was just too much. Hearing how much he prayed to just spend time with me which was the same thing I did, and him saying how much he's learned was just too emotional. Kach, if you’re reading this, this is what I would’ve said if I wasn’t afraid of not being able to finish my speech due to crying my eyes out:
The past seven months has been such a blessing to me. The events that caused you to stay then live with me weren't good but out of mud comes a lotus. Every petal represents happy times and lessons. One of the many things you call me is your maestra, but I want you to know that you too was my teacher. You’ve taught and brought forth a lot of things to me Kach. You brought out my maternal side and you showed me AND told me how good of a parent I will be and that means a lot to me. My experience with you took away my fear of having children. You being with me, helped me weed out the men that weren’t serving my Higher good and for that I thank you. You taught me to have patience. You taught me the true meaning of self-sacrifice. I’ve done it before but doing it for you meant even more to me. You taught me how wonderful it feels when you see someone do something you’ve taught them. I get this warm tingly loving feeling each time you do something and I can say proudly to others that ‘I taught him that.’ I’ve watched you grow so rapidly the past seven months and it does my heart well that I was able to be such a positive influence in your life. It has been a pleasure to watch you grow mentally, physically, emotionally AND spiritually under my care. Do you remember when you told me that I’ve taught you so much and that you’ll quote me to your children? Remember that? If not, well I do because I felt this sense of accomplishment. Like, wow I’ve influenced someone so much that they are willing to pass down something I taught them to their child. You’ve said to me that I’m different. It was nothing bad you said. You’re right. I am different. That's because of you. I love that you are a loving and caring young man. If I was sick and called out from work, much to my chagrin, you would stay home with me. You would Reiki me and tend to me in whatever way that you could. From the day I met you I loved you and every moment with you became precious. My goal each time we were out together experiencing something new for you or to the both of us I wanted to document it pictorially. You of course aren’t a fan of pictures so there are several moments that I have no pictorial memories of and that’s okay. You gotta live in the moment and if I’m busy trying to capture every second then I’ll surely miss something. Once you started living with me I knew that I was going to dedicate a post to you because you are one of the three men I would go the extra mile for. I love you so very much (Ah man this is so hard) and I’m still not happy with you joining the Navy but I am excited for you to start this new chapter of your life. I want you to know that I will always be there for you even if it’s in the background *big smile.* We both know the reason why things worked out the way they did for you to be with me and I want you to know I don’t regret a day. I know I’ll see you in two months at your boot camp graduation but my heart aches because I know it’s more than two months. This is a whole new life ahead of you and you won’t be readily accessible so the thought of that hurts. I already miss you and will miss you even more. You will be in my prayers and thoughts always. Love you my Munchkin.