"When we look to others for acceptance, we submit ourselves to their experiential knowledge and prejudices, and much is beyond their experience.
Our journey may be beyond their conceptions.
We have truly "painted ourselves into a corner" if we allow them to judge us.
I remember liking this guy a lot. A few of us were over his place and my 'best friend' was shamelessly flirting with him. It was a very hard day for me honestly. I sat there and listened to her lie to him and behaved in a manner that made her appear innocent and superior to me.
Her behavior was... disturbing. Of course my energy shifted and she sensed it. We went into his room to talk. She knew I was going to try and shoot my shot with him and I couldn't understand why she was suddenly trying to put me down. I was hurt. Sitting on the edge of his bed with tears in my eyes she said "He would never like someone like you. He said that you're too out there." I IMMEDIATELY heard a voice in my head repeatedly saying "projection, projection projection." My tears went right back into my tear ducts and out of curiosity I asked, "out there how?" She replied, "your posts."
Smh. I won't lie here and say, "You're too out there" didn't replay multiple times in my mind. Now I know I get judged. I'm confident within my own skin. I'm unafraid to be nude. I speak my truth. I speak UP. I'm not shy (pun intended) to discuss any topic. I'm quite aware that I pose a threat to some. But they're outsiders. They know nothing about me. They see a pic and draw all sorts of conclusions and pass judgments about me. But what outsiders say about me or to me washes right off my back.
She wasn't an outsider though. She was in my inner circle thus I took the things she said into consideration. So does he truly not want to be with me for that reason? Am I really "out there?" [For the record: he never said that. They never even had a conversation about it. Yep, she was trifling.]
Then a moment of clarity ensued. If those are his true thoughts then he's not the one for me. Then a conversation with my Higher Self began: Shy you remember that girl in Junior High that would wear colorful tutus, non matching socks and wore her hair in all sorts of styles and you LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT? Everyone called her weird and all sorts of names except you. You always complimented her. Remember that? Yes. Why did you love it so much? Because to me she was bravely expressing herself creatively. She was showing others it's okay to be different. Right. You remember what I once told you? When? You know when. That when people judge, it's because you're doing something they wish they could. That their self esteem is low. Correct. Now... *Eureka*
In that moment I had a flash of memories of this 'best friend' who asked me how do I get people to love my posts and support me. To which I responded, 'I don't know. Maybe because I speak from the heart and I genuinely care about them and support them? Idk.' Her response was that she didn't care about those that followed her nor did she want to support them if there wasn't any gain. My response? 'You can't fake the funk with people. Even if they're unaware of why they don't rock with you, something about you, will keep them from you.'
This was also the same person that would tell me she wished she was thick like me. I used to brush it aside and tell her that there are so soooo many women who wished they were slim like her (I wasn't one of them. You see these curves?!). But her desire to be thick stemmed from insecurities of being teased about being slim.
She also would say that 'good girls' don't talk about certain things publicly and would even blush about the things I say to her, around her or on my podcast. To which I would say, 'if we don't talk about it how would others learn? Not talking about it is part of the problem.'
Do you see where I'm going with this? #Projection
During this whole ordeal I had to also learn that it doesn't matter what part of my circle you belonged. My opinion is all that matters.
Now you may not be fortunate to know the history of someone's self esteem and where their self hate derives from. Nor do you need to know. What you need to know and understand is that the only person's opinion that matters is your own. You're the one who has to live with you... every... single... day. The relationship you have with yourself first is the most important before anything else. This relationship sets the tone for all other relationships. Be able to recognize that when people say smart/dumb ass comments over the phone "under their breath" or even directly to you or rapidly typing away online, that this is just a tactic for you to react. They want you to come down to their shitty, petty, insecure level. Hun, know that their behavior towards your shine is a reminder to them of how miserably they're failing at life.
With love, they can kiss your bubbly/firm/flat/round etc/ juicy ass! Bless them and send them on their way.
What's your mission? What's your purpose for being here in this lifetime? Go forth and LIVE it. WE NEED YOU!
Shine my friend. SHINE!
"Other people's opinion is a shitty way to determine how we [think and] feel about ourselves." Will Smith
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